Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
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