Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Randomize
