I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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