I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
