So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
