so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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