i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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