i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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