Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Who died my cat blue again?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
