i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
