youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
