I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
