I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
