What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
