I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
