Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Randomize
