is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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