I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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