At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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