I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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