Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
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