He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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