I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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