New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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