The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
