pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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