Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
