last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
