Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize