Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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