I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
