Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
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