There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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