Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
