Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize