Soap is not a condiment
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
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