he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
