The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
