Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I think people are normalizing furries
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
