How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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