I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
