did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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