The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Randomize