It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
We talked him into tasing himself.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
