mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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