life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Randomize
