im about as happy as oj after his trial
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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