it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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