So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
