Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
A bitchslap is in order.
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