The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
