I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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