i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
