Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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