He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
