Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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