Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I'm getting married
To pizza
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
