I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
