Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Duck Duck Cougar?
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
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