so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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