you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
