i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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