I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
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