my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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