The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Randomize
