you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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