Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
