Define "chronic" masturbator.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
