If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
