she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
soo... how was my night?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
