good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
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