Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
its not stalking. its research.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
