just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Randomize