OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
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