I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Such a big mess for such a small penis
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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