I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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