i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
