census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
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