We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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