I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
