I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize