just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
