I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
