I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
