he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
