Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Randomize
