Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
