The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I just gift wrapped bread.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
