Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize