You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
