Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
