My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
