You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
