I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
