New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize