Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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