Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
