i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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